Why rationalizing poor choices makes you look bad
I need to remind myself I should stay away from Walmart around holiday times. Trying to walk up and down aisles is very difficult. Though most people are friendly, maneuvering around the store is hazardous and when you get in line to check out, you often witness how gracious or crabby people can be.
On one such trip, I had just checked out and was rolling my heavy cart toward the exit when I heard two young men talking. One was telling the other that the person on their register had given him back twenty dollars more than she should have. I strolled behind the two, curious about how the conversation would continue.
The other young man suggested he should take it back to the person at the register because she would get into trouble when the manager checks the records. The first guy looked at his friend as if
he was crazy and said, “Well, it’s her mistake. It’s not my fault she messed up.” I watched as he pocketed the money and walked out of the store.
On my drive home, the scene played through my mind. I was not pummeling the young thief in my thoughts, though I could have. Instead, I was reflecting on how easy it is for us to rationalize doing something we know is wrong. She made the mistake at the register; it’s not my fault.
I’ve also seen examples of rationalization in my classroom. One student might say something terrible about another person and when I call them on it, their reply often is, “I’m just being honest.”
Rationalization. We all incorporate it in our lives.
Rationalizing is “the action of attempting to explain or justify behavior or an attitude with logical reasons, even if these are not appropriate.” (en.oxforddictionaries.com)
It is clear from this definition, rationalization begins with a thought process that does not always produce negative actions; it is a component of logic. If I see thin ice on a pond, my rational thought processes will encourage me to not to walk out on it. You develop these thinking skills throughout childhood.
When rationalization becomes a problem is when I decide to do something I know is wrong. This rationalization is when we “talk” ourselves into doing
something wrong using what we think is a valid excuse at the moment. I fight this daily in my decision-making process.
- I need not stop at this stop sign; there are no other cars around.
- It’s OK that I’m late for work regularly; my productivity during the day makes up for it.
- I can say some unkind things about someone because they have done the same.
These examples are forms of rationalization we regularly make and even though we know they are not right, we often do them anyway.
We make these mental excuses for poor choices because it makes it easier to live with ourselves. Some of us have even gone as far in our rationalizing that we tell ourselves our choices are great in the long-run.
I know it’s wrong to keep extra money a cashier has given me but it’s ok because she should have known better. If she gets dinged for being short in her cash drawer, then maybe she’ll be more careful next time. I am helping this cashier become a better employee by keeping the money.
I know I shouldn’t be late for work but I try to get there on time. On days when I’m not, it shouldn’t be a big deal to my boss, after all, I do so much for
this company. They are lucky to have me because, despite being late, I am such a productive employee, others benefit from all I do.
It’s so easy to get into the habit of rationalizing my poor choices, it scares me. I know I am not the only one who struggles with this. Moses, in the Old Testament, had his share of rationalizing his poor choices.
Moses was born in a dark corner of Hebrew history. In the beginning of the book of Exodus, the pharaoh ruling during Joseph’s day had died. The new pharaoh who had made the Hebrews slaves, becomes concerned because the Israelites were multiplying quickly in Exodus 1. He was worried they might rebel against him so he worked them harder. Instead of weakening the Israelites, they grew stronger. Pharaoh then decides to have all Hebrew baby boys killed, limiting the Israelite people in the long-run.
What a horrible time it was for the Israelites. This decree sent terror throughout the Hebrew people. The midwives refused to obey Pharaoh’s orders because they feared God. Pharaoh discovered his orders were not being obeyed, so he gives the command to his soldiers to throw all Hebrew baby boys into the river.
This decree was effective. Imagine a family, joyously awaiting the birth of a baby, witnessing the horrible drowning of their child, just because it was a boy.
It was at this time in Hebrew history Moses was born. As the familiar tale unfolds in Exodus 2, when Moses is born, his mother puts him in a floating basket and the daughter of Pharaoh finds Moses and adopts him.
Moses grew up as Pharaoh’s grandson. He had all the privileges associated with this, good food, clothing, education and more. Though the Bible
does not give us this information, we know Moses knows he is a Hebrew and as a young man, he must have ached for his race as they groaned in their slavery.
One day, Moses went down to where the slaves were working and witnessed an Egyptian beating a Hebrew. Though the author of Exodus does not use
the word here, it is clear Moses puts into motion the rationalization process in his brain. We can see the evidence of this is in Exodus 2:12 (NIV), “Glancing this way and that and seeing no one, (Moses) killed the Egyptian and buried him in the sand.”
Moses knew murder is wrong. He looked around to make sure no one else saw him kill and then, he buried the Egyptian in the sand, covering up the evidence of his rationalization.
I wonder if Moses thought, You see? I am helping my people.
Regardless of whether he thought this, someone had seen Moses do this and a Hebrew slave confronted him. The chapter goes on to state that Pharaoh also find out about Moses’ actions and Moses runs for his life.
We do not know how Hebrew history might have played out in Egypt if Moses were still a member of Pharaoh’s household but now, the trauma and pain multiplied within the land of Egypt. Rationalization often brings negative results.
Our choice to rationalize our actions changes our built-in conscience meter
As a small child, I can remember waking up in the middle of the night, horrified over some small thing I did the previous day. My conscience worked as it is supposed to but as I grew, the less I abided by my conscience, the less it bothered me when it should have.
The choice of rationalization can eat away at a conscience which was at one time tuned into right and wrong.
You become untrustworthy
Most people can overlook a few small bad choices other people make but if others know you as someone who continually makes these choices, you become untrustworthy. It makes no difference if you justify the bad you do; your actions speak louder than words.
It is a sin before God.James 4:17 (NIV) reads, “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”
In the 21st century, many dislike the word, sin. It’s often followed in thoughts (and maybe words), you shouldn’t judge me! Some people seem to use this statement to blanket a poor choice and, how dare you call it a sin.
The good news is, I don’t call it a sin, God does. I’m not the judge, God is. What He seems to communicate in James is, if you know the right thing to do and choose not to do it, it’s sin. Seems harsh in the culture we now live. What are some things I can put in place to help me avoid making these bad choices?
- Step by step
For some, rationalizing a bad choice becomes a habit, it’s almost second-nature. If this is the case, once I make a rationalized choice, I will need to stop it in its tracks and do the right thing. If you see the cashier gave you too much change and you walk away, knowing it. Stop, go back to the cashier and give it back. You may have to eat humble pie but you stopped the rationalization.
2. Learn from past actions
If you reflect on the fact you are habitually late for work, require more of yourself, quit making excuses and correct this behavior. Something that
may encourage this thoughtful process is to reflect on the negative results of when you made the bad choice in the past. Next, figure out how you can avoid the situation in the first place, like, getting up earlier or organizing everything the night before.
None of these things will come easily, at first, but it can become the new habit in future situations.
3. Accountability
Having someone who will check on you regularly, on your request, will encourage better choices in whatever area concerns you. Making the choice of having someone to be accountable to is humbling. I know if I will have someone check with me concerning my choices, regularly, that alone would be a motivation to rethink some of my actions.
Rationalization carries with it many negatives and because of it, we need to strive to make the right choices.
